The Origins of Embodied Equestrian®

I have loved horses from the moment I entered this life. My first sentence was “let’s go pet the ponies.” Horses have been my saviors in all seasons of my life and my intention is to do all that I can to help them have the best lives possible with their humans. In addition to dedicating my life to these beautiful beings I was injured and got sick changing the trajectory of my life as I knew it and I had to start from scratch in my riding and relationship with horses. The horses were my teachers in this unlearning and rewilding of my experience and my heart. I also give deep gratitude to the many amazing human teachers that have guided and supported me along the way. It is so important that we honor those that influenced our journey. I did not get here alone and none of us is ever alone. I have done my best to turn my “mess” into a message to help others. Here goes!

I thought I would never ride again because I couldn’t do it like I could before getting injured. I grieved for a long time because my identity was completely embedded in my ability to ride a horse. When overnight I thought that was taken away, I had no idea who I was anymore or what I was supposed to do. I tried for years to still ride my fabulous showjumper at the time, but my body wouldn’t do what it used to and I was in so much pain everywhere when I would finish my ride to the point where I couldn’t even untack my horse without having to rest after. My horse was so talented, and I had this belief that I was just holding him back and that he deserved to go on to live his fullest life. Since I couldn’t keep up this didn’t include me. This filled me with so much sadness and I ultimately made the decision to find my boy a new home(He ended up having the best adventure and currently lives with someone who loves him dearly after his full career) and sold my truck and trailer thinking it would never be part of my life again. I tried to create a life away from horses because it was too painful to be around them.

I spent the next year healing and just starting a journey of self-love and discovery.  I slowly started piecing my life back together and took a leap of faith and enrolled at the Rolf Institute (now the Dr Ida Rolf Institute). This was where it really started to all come together for me because I relearned to feel safe and comfortable with my body’s new way of being, even in its consistent unpredictability. It allowed me to find a way back to horses and I was given the opportunity to ride a special horse named Otto. He showed me that I could still enjoy riding even if my body was unpredictable and from here I started a journey of retraining myself to be able to ride in a way that honored where I was at in the moment. I have since tried everything under the sun to feel better and learned a lot in the process. Much later on in my journey I have come to understand that I am a highly sensitive human, needed heart surgery and experience Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Endometriosis, POTS and MCAS. All of this deepened my understanding of how precious our beautiful bodies are and that self-awareness of mind, body, and spirit is so important.

I love to ride and I have found a way back to being with the horses. I don't always feel good enough to do more than a walk about but I know that is enough and that just being in their presence is the best part. I wish to share with you what I have learned in hopes that it will inspire you to always embrace your love for horses no matter what.

It all starts with getting to know yourself which can be really scary but I promise you it is worth it because you are worth it. Horses are constantly reading energy and when our insides and outsides match then it makes it easier for them to trust us. My hope is to helps you find an increased congruence within yourself and in your relationships with your horse. As you embark on this journey I highly recommend keeping a journal. Journals are so personal and they can take many forms. Mine is full of daily synchronicities, things that inspire me, doodles, and getting my thoughts out in whatever way they come so I no longer need to carry them. This is a culmination of many journals. I feel this information is too important to keep only in my journals. They are also a great way to witness your journey over time as you reflect on what’s changed, grown, deepened, grieved or been let go. Emotions will likely show up and they are our friends. They inform us and are not the enemy. As you get to know yourself tears may also come and they are gifts because they are helping move what needs to be moved through us.

It’s a process and each day is a new opportunity, layer and experience. Within each layer there will be growth and evolution. Know that some days it may seem like there are setbacks. They are not setbacks, just more opportunities for learning. Remember to give yourself and your horse grace if this is to occur.

So if you’re game, let’s go on this journey together. You are not alone in this process. Think of this library as your dear friend that loves you so much and wants you to love the life you are living with your horses.

The knowledge shared is using words that describe the whole body. I want this to be helpful for all bodies. It is from my lived experience and that of the riders and horses I have worked with. I will do my best to include ideas for all.

Always honor where you are with your horses. When we are engaging with your SOMA or body of another being we need to make sure not to bypass what you or they are ready to witness in themselves so if they don’t seem ready for an area to change don't force it. For example, if there is an area in your belly that says no then honor that and you can see if it’s up for playing a different day. This goes for the horses too.